Lan0s
24-03-2005, 08:19 PM
My favourite football nutcases, with help from Fourfouttwo magazine, in no particular order :D
Luciana Gaucci: Perugia President of 13 years who was once a bus driver turned millionaire. He once bribed a referee with a racehorse, fired Perugia's South Korean player Jung-Hwan after he knocked Italy out of the 2002 World Cup, signed Gaddafi, the Libyan dictator's (Qaddafi) son, tried to sign a female player although Italian rules strictly forbid it and hired shamed Olympic athlete Ben Johnson as a fitness coach - he claims "I never pull stunts."
Paul Gascoigne: Served his dad and his mate mince pies after he scooped the filling out and replaced it with cat crap. Whilst dining at a hotel, placed his erect penis on the shoulder of someone on the next table, who turned around thinking someone tapped him on the shoulder - only to be prodded in the cheek. Pissed on Richard Gough whilst playing for Rangers.
Cyril the Swan the Swansea Cith's mascot: invaded the pitch after Swansea scored a goal and recieved a touchline ban. Offered to replace Kevin Keagen when he was England boss. Ripped the head off the Millway mascot (Zampa the Lion) and kicked it into the crowd.
Sepp Blatter the FIFA President: Former president of World Society of Friends of Suspenders, an organisation which tried to stop women from switching frim stockings to tights. Called for female players to wear tighter shorts. Other ideas included: holding the World Cup every 2 years; an end to 'too dangerous' tackling; kick-ins instead of throw ins; quarters instead of halves; and increased the size of the goal by 200 sq inches.
Graeme Souness, boss of Newcastle: During his time as Galatasaray (Turkey) manager, he managed to mastermind a victory of Instanbul rivals Fenerbahce is the Turkish Cup Final. On the final whistle, he grapped an eight foot high Galatasaray flag, waved it to the hardcore Fenerbahce fans, and proceded to parade it and stick it erect in the centre-circle. This incited riots, and the cup presentation was lost in a sea of missiles. Quote "It's a quant English custom - we do it all the time. I can't understand why the Fener fans reacted so strongly."
Eric Cantona the Manchester United Kung Fu Master: Banned from the French national team for calling the coach a "un sac de merde" - "A bag of ****." Got banned during French league game for throwing the ball at the ref, and the setence got doubled when he called the disciplanary committee they were idiots. Tried to single handedly take on Instanbul riot police; arrested during the 1994 USA world cup for busting up security. Then came his piece de resistance at Selhurst Park where he placed his boot into the face of a Palace fan.
http://redsky.vip.sina.com/cantona/kingeric000.jpg
Quote: "I have a lot of good memories, but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan."
Paolo Di Canio, the weird Italian: Attemped to slap the faces of the entire Athletico MAdrid team in a 2000 "friendly." Accused all his teammates of only giving 70% after losing 7-1 to Blackburn whilst he played for Aston Villa. Also caught the ball in midair in the most odd example of good sportsmanship ever whilst his opponent's goalkeeper lay injured on the ground. Went to Lazio, came from the bench to score an 84th minute winner from the spot, only to be sent off promtly.
Almir Pernambuquinho, South American roughey: In 1959, whilst playing from Brazil vs Uraguay, he started a 22 man brawl that involved Pele, Vava and Didi. 1963, he came on for an injured Pele in the World Club championships where he promtly met Milan star Amarildo with an ankle breaking tackle after 20 seconds, to follow that up with a punt to the Mila goalie's head. His masterpiece was when he sparked the largest brawl in Brazilian stadium history: nine ment were sent off and the match never completed. In 1973 he was shot dead . . . but witness insist he was trying to break up the fight.
Rene Higuita the "scorpion kicker" : Caused Colombia's 1990 World Cup exit when he tried to dribble the entire Camaroon team but lost the ball in the middle of the pitch. Later got done in for dealing drugs and involved in the kidnapping of a kingpin's daughter.
Jose Luis Chilavert: total of 40 career goals is very good for a goalkeeper who insisted on taking free kicks and penalties. Spat at Roberto Carlos, and punched on with Maradona and Asprilla.
Chairman of then Chilavert's club Strassbourg: "Chilavert is trying to sue me for libel because I said looked like the Michelin Man." He was rather fat.
Ramon 'El Loco' Quiroga who was Peru's goalkeeper against Argentina who needed a 4-0 victory to go into the 2nd round of the World Cup in 1978; they found 'El Loco' in generous form, conceding 6 goals in a display of laughable incompetence. Speculation sorrounds if 'El Loco' had taken 'El Looto' in a bribe.
Andy Todd the agro: Bolton defender who in 1997 met Stan Collymore with a few haymakers, also catching his peacemaking captain in the brawl. 1999 he got kicked out of Bolton due to a "bonding session" ended with the coach nursing a broken jaw and a fractured cheekbone. Later went through Duggary in a tackle that is regarded as the worst ever, to then square up Aliou Cisse.
Roy Keane, the honourable Manchested United captain: "I'd waited long enough. I ****ing hit him hard. The ball was there. Take that you ****. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries." - Making sure Alfie Inge Halaand never stood up to anything again.
Kevin Muscat the crazy Aussie: Ended the career of Matt Holmes by snapping his legs into little bits. Nearly ended Bellamy's career by shredding his knee. Ended Duggary's international career (Duggary gets owned lots . . . see above) in a lunge of a tackle that tore a few ligaments.
Glenn Hoddle: "You and I have been physically given two hands and two legs and a half decent brain. Some people a have not been born like that for a reason. The Karma is working from another lifetime.I have nothing to hide. It is not only people with disabilities; What you reap is what you sow." Excellent way to talk yourself out of your England job.
And of course Diego Maradona, who, in a single game went from hero to zero where he took on over 5 players, and beats the goalies from a run from the halfway line and also managed to handball a goal in the infamous 'hand of God' incident. Recently linked to Fidel Castro; also seen in photographs with Columbian drug lord Diego Sanchez, a man who is on top of the FBI's most wanted list alongside Osama Bin Laden.
Luciana Gaucci: Perugia President of 13 years who was once a bus driver turned millionaire. He once bribed a referee with a racehorse, fired Perugia's South Korean player Jung-Hwan after he knocked Italy out of the 2002 World Cup, signed Gaddafi, the Libyan dictator's (Qaddafi) son, tried to sign a female player although Italian rules strictly forbid it and hired shamed Olympic athlete Ben Johnson as a fitness coach - he claims "I never pull stunts."
Paul Gascoigne: Served his dad and his mate mince pies after he scooped the filling out and replaced it with cat crap. Whilst dining at a hotel, placed his erect penis on the shoulder of someone on the next table, who turned around thinking someone tapped him on the shoulder - only to be prodded in the cheek. Pissed on Richard Gough whilst playing for Rangers.
Cyril the Swan the Swansea Cith's mascot: invaded the pitch after Swansea scored a goal and recieved a touchline ban. Offered to replace Kevin Keagen when he was England boss. Ripped the head off the Millway mascot (Zampa the Lion) and kicked it into the crowd.
Sepp Blatter the FIFA President: Former president of World Society of Friends of Suspenders, an organisation which tried to stop women from switching frim stockings to tights. Called for female players to wear tighter shorts. Other ideas included: holding the World Cup every 2 years; an end to 'too dangerous' tackling; kick-ins instead of throw ins; quarters instead of halves; and increased the size of the goal by 200 sq inches.
Graeme Souness, boss of Newcastle: During his time as Galatasaray (Turkey) manager, he managed to mastermind a victory of Instanbul rivals Fenerbahce is the Turkish Cup Final. On the final whistle, he grapped an eight foot high Galatasaray flag, waved it to the hardcore Fenerbahce fans, and proceded to parade it and stick it erect in the centre-circle. This incited riots, and the cup presentation was lost in a sea of missiles. Quote "It's a quant English custom - we do it all the time. I can't understand why the Fener fans reacted so strongly."
Eric Cantona the Manchester United Kung Fu Master: Banned from the French national team for calling the coach a "un sac de merde" - "A bag of ****." Got banned during French league game for throwing the ball at the ref, and the setence got doubled when he called the disciplanary committee they were idiots. Tried to single handedly take on Instanbul riot police; arrested during the 1994 USA world cup for busting up security. Then came his piece de resistance at Selhurst Park where he placed his boot into the face of a Palace fan.
http://redsky.vip.sina.com/cantona/kingeric000.jpg
Quote: "I have a lot of good memories, but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan."
Paolo Di Canio, the weird Italian: Attemped to slap the faces of the entire Athletico MAdrid team in a 2000 "friendly." Accused all his teammates of only giving 70% after losing 7-1 to Blackburn whilst he played for Aston Villa. Also caught the ball in midair in the most odd example of good sportsmanship ever whilst his opponent's goalkeeper lay injured on the ground. Went to Lazio, came from the bench to score an 84th minute winner from the spot, only to be sent off promtly.
Almir Pernambuquinho, South American roughey: In 1959, whilst playing from Brazil vs Uraguay, he started a 22 man brawl that involved Pele, Vava and Didi. 1963, he came on for an injured Pele in the World Club championships where he promtly met Milan star Amarildo with an ankle breaking tackle after 20 seconds, to follow that up with a punt to the Mila goalie's head. His masterpiece was when he sparked the largest brawl in Brazilian stadium history: nine ment were sent off and the match never completed. In 1973 he was shot dead . . . but witness insist he was trying to break up the fight.
Rene Higuita the "scorpion kicker" : Caused Colombia's 1990 World Cup exit when he tried to dribble the entire Camaroon team but lost the ball in the middle of the pitch. Later got done in for dealing drugs and involved in the kidnapping of a kingpin's daughter.
Jose Luis Chilavert: total of 40 career goals is very good for a goalkeeper who insisted on taking free kicks and penalties. Spat at Roberto Carlos, and punched on with Maradona and Asprilla.
Chairman of then Chilavert's club Strassbourg: "Chilavert is trying to sue me for libel because I said looked like the Michelin Man." He was rather fat.
Ramon 'El Loco' Quiroga who was Peru's goalkeeper against Argentina who needed a 4-0 victory to go into the 2nd round of the World Cup in 1978; they found 'El Loco' in generous form, conceding 6 goals in a display of laughable incompetence. Speculation sorrounds if 'El Loco' had taken 'El Looto' in a bribe.
Andy Todd the agro: Bolton defender who in 1997 met Stan Collymore with a few haymakers, also catching his peacemaking captain in the brawl. 1999 he got kicked out of Bolton due to a "bonding session" ended with the coach nursing a broken jaw and a fractured cheekbone. Later went through Duggary in a tackle that is regarded as the worst ever, to then square up Aliou Cisse.
Roy Keane, the honourable Manchested United captain: "I'd waited long enough. I ****ing hit him hard. The ball was there. Take that you ****. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries." - Making sure Alfie Inge Halaand never stood up to anything again.
Kevin Muscat the crazy Aussie: Ended the career of Matt Holmes by snapping his legs into little bits. Nearly ended Bellamy's career by shredding his knee. Ended Duggary's international career (Duggary gets owned lots . . . see above) in a lunge of a tackle that tore a few ligaments.
Glenn Hoddle: "You and I have been physically given two hands and two legs and a half decent brain. Some people a have not been born like that for a reason. The Karma is working from another lifetime.I have nothing to hide. It is not only people with disabilities; What you reap is what you sow." Excellent way to talk yourself out of your England job.
And of course Diego Maradona, who, in a single game went from hero to zero where he took on over 5 players, and beats the goalies from a run from the halfway line and also managed to handball a goal in the infamous 'hand of God' incident. Recently linked to Fidel Castro; also seen in photographs with Columbian drug lord Diego Sanchez, a man who is on top of the FBI's most wanted list alongside Osama Bin Laden.