Coopz
24-09-2005, 12:58 AM
Belongs here, not in IKES.
HALL FREE DESPITE MURDEROUS RAMPAGE
by STAFF REPORTERS
Sydney forward Barry Hall is free to play in the AFL Grand Final this
weekend despite having killed three people before last week's preliminary
final against St Kilda.
It has been discovered that Hall stopped off at a 7-11 last Friday night
and ruthlessly gunned down three people who were holding him up in the
queue by taking too long to pay for a packet of Mentos.
But the AFL Tribunal ruled last night that because Hall had been on his way
to the game at the time of the incident, contact could be deemed to be 'in
play'.
They further ruled that his conduct could not be considered 'deliberate',
only merely 'reckless', insofar as it was reckless how he had pulled the
gun from his pocket and fired off about 30 rounds. Finally, they also ruled
that because the bullets struck the victims mainly in the chest, contact
was not head-high and should therefore be considered at the lower end of
the scale of offences.
This still left Hall with a total of 1,674,265 points, or a total
suspension of 12-15 years, with time off for good behaviour. But there was
a 25% reduction for Hall's guilty plea, and a further 74.9% reduction
because of the AFL's naked determination to give Sydney the best possible
chance of winning the Premiership.
The end result is that Hall will not only lead the Swans onto the field
this weekend, but has also been promised several unwarranted free kicks –
to be taken at a time of his choosing – to compensate him for pain and
suffering.
An AFL spokesman said they were happy that justice had prevailed.
"Nobody wants to see a Sydney player ... errrr, sorry, any player miss an
AFL Grand Final," the spokesman said. "Unless, of course, it's a
Collingwood player, in which case it's just funny.
"But we think in this case it's a good result for football. It's certainly
a good result for Sydney, and therefore a good result for us. Now if you'll
excuse me I have to go and help the Swans cheer squad with their banner."
The spokesman did concede, however, that the Hall decision had caused
problems for the League.
"Hell yeah, it meant we also had to let Gaspar off for his blatant elbow as
a square-off. So don't think we haven't suffered."
HALL FREE DESPITE MURDEROUS RAMPAGE
by STAFF REPORTERS
Sydney forward Barry Hall is free to play in the AFL Grand Final this
weekend despite having killed three people before last week's preliminary
final against St Kilda.
It has been discovered that Hall stopped off at a 7-11 last Friday night
and ruthlessly gunned down three people who were holding him up in the
queue by taking too long to pay for a packet of Mentos.
But the AFL Tribunal ruled last night that because Hall had been on his way
to the game at the time of the incident, contact could be deemed to be 'in
play'.
They further ruled that his conduct could not be considered 'deliberate',
only merely 'reckless', insofar as it was reckless how he had pulled the
gun from his pocket and fired off about 30 rounds. Finally, they also ruled
that because the bullets struck the victims mainly in the chest, contact
was not head-high and should therefore be considered at the lower end of
the scale of offences.
This still left Hall with a total of 1,674,265 points, or a total
suspension of 12-15 years, with time off for good behaviour. But there was
a 25% reduction for Hall's guilty plea, and a further 74.9% reduction
because of the AFL's naked determination to give Sydney the best possible
chance of winning the Premiership.
The end result is that Hall will not only lead the Swans onto the field
this weekend, but has also been promised several unwarranted free kicks –
to be taken at a time of his choosing – to compensate him for pain and
suffering.
An AFL spokesman said they were happy that justice had prevailed.
"Nobody wants to see a Sydney player ... errrr, sorry, any player miss an
AFL Grand Final," the spokesman said. "Unless, of course, it's a
Collingwood player, in which case it's just funny.
"But we think in this case it's a good result for football. It's certainly
a good result for Sydney, and therefore a good result for us. Now if you'll
excuse me I have to go and help the Swans cheer squad with their banner."
The spokesman did concede, however, that the Hall decision had caused
problems for the League.
"Hell yeah, it meant we also had to let Gaspar off for his blatant elbow as
a square-off. So don't think we haven't suffered."